In the name of Satan I condemn this image of God....I AM A KEY!!!

Was just reading some of my old blog from when I used to work in the porn business and found this beautiful little piece of prose I wrote about the sleepy little Sussex hamlet that is Arundel. As you might be able to tell I never really did enjoy being there very much...

"Thursday a.m.

I fucking hate Arundel, desolate little redneck shithole full of inbred retards who cant count all of their eleven toes.

I booked a taxi yesterday for 6.45am this morning and the guy took my number to call me back if he couldnt keep the booking. So when at 6.50am i call up to see where he is, predictably, he says "no, mate, you were supposed to call me to confirm".

NO I WASN'T CLEETUS YOU FUCKING DRIBBLING YOKEL! That's why you took MY damn number!

Why else would you have wanted it? I know, you probably wanted it because you'd never met anyone who's sister wasnt their dad and it made for a nice souvenir. "Yeehaw, lookee here boys, I got me a mobile tellerfone number offa ole Ten Toes! Dangnabbit!" These fatherfuckers aren't even attempting to contribute to the genepool.

When you read the paper soon and it says "Sussex town in gas attack massacre", remember the taxi drivers, dying in their cheap leather driving gloves, stuck to their seats by 4 pints of arse sweat and unable to run for cover as they're all fucked out from sodomizing their teenage daughter the night before.
Fuck those guys, they deserve it.

Merry Christmas,

Al Queda.
30.9.04"