25 August 2006

Well I’m sick of vanity plays, Should we move to the UK? 'Cause life here in the states has escaped all the people above us.

Yeah weather!!!! It's raining in Glasgow!! So we (50% of the Landscape team - Joey, Joel and Rory) are sitting around in Alex Irvine's house reading books, drinking tea and eating biscuits. Soy arrives tonight too. The weather forecast is pretty touch-and-go for the next few days according to the BBC. Mind you, what the fuck do they know? "I can assure you there won't be a hurricane". Yeah Michael Fish, whatev's. Knobhead.

I might go see that new Pedro Almodovar flick with Penelope Cruz at the cinema down the street if this weather continues...
I can't stop looking at this movie poster, Penelope is killing me right now. Thank fuck she left that nutter. Pen - if you can hear me?...Come to Butthead.

23 August 2006

And these last 3 years, I know they've been hard. But now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun.

Fos, Seth, Jon Monie and I drove for 3 hours in each direction to the Stoke plaza park. The place is thoroughly insane, every kind of spot all rolled into one and just HUGE. If we weren't trying to film it might have actually been fun to skate but we were preoccupied I guess.

On the way home we played the "pro skater game" (one person thinks of a pro, past or present, and everyone else has to guess who it is). I can tell you now that Wayne Gallagher is an absolute world beater! I had fools guessing for like a half hour before they gave up. And I guessed Maurice Key in pretty damn good time if I say so myself (Seth's choice - it wasn't gonna be Fos's was it!?). Mind you Fos fucked us with Pat Ngoho. Honestly - who remembers late 80's Z riders?

As usual I checked out the marker pen graff at the park - always more rewarding than that fancy spraycan shit that everyone seems to think isn't vandalism just because it's in colour. Classic bits included "Joe is a Kosovan", "Anal probe" and "Nigger lips". Special mention goes to the kid that just wrote "Nob head" - sometimes keeping it simple yields much finer results.

Ghouls, attack the church. Crush, the holy priest.

Simple question. Why is it that there's always a screaming child on the last train back from London? Most people are knackered and trying to catch 40 winks and they let these little whining cabbages on the train. There should be a rule - like how they don't let bikes on the early morning commuter trains because they take up too much room. How about not letting kids on the late trains because THEY ANNOY THE PISS OUT OF ADULTS WHO ARE TIRED OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS?

Little kids are shit. They can't even talk and just sit there flailing around and squealing like retards until someone sticks a tit in their mouth. Or they cry at full volume because their fat lowest-common-denominator working-class single-mum chavs haven't stuffed them with enough chicken nuggets and Um-Bongo.

Fucking idiots man. Why can't they just grow the fuck up? I was never that small or that annoying.

21 August 2006

Fighting away the tears, and I'm holding on for years.

This is Jon Monie (or J-Money now) from Paris. He rides for Heroin and is over here to film for a week or so. As you can see the french are as sophisticated as ever.
We drove him around in total luxury. Heroin is big time now, no expense spared.
I took him to all the best spots. Total secrets, niggas don't even know!

We also went back to Mudchute and hung out with Callum. He runs a tight ship there. Nobody does shit without running it by him first.
The kids have written out all the names for both male and female genitalia on the top of the hip. They've also covered masturbation and flatulence so there's a really useful library of terms there in case you're lost for words.

Friday night was Dylan's party. Jon was hyped to meet the little one from East 17.
Yeah, it was that kind of night. It was nice to see Chas but Martin was so touchy feely that I had to snap at him several times so he'd fuck off and stop trying to hug me.
"So let me get this straight - you actually think you're hard?" Yeah RIGHT! Streetfighter battles are BACK at my house!
Saturday night was Rave's BBQ. We ate home-made burgers and jazzy salads.
John can never clock off. He's always on duty. Still, it's best to have a florist on duty at any party these days, you never know when the flower arrangements might get drunk and unruly.
Sam complained that there weren't any photos of her on here so I was cunningly able to get her on by running this picture of Bruce.
Above and below...the many moods of Ian Molyneux. Well, 2 anyway. Happy as larry in my watch (it's a Charles Dumont!) and fighting with Smithy on the pavement at 2 am. Ooops!

See how boring this photo is? Well it perfectly sums up editing which is what i've been doing for 2 days straight. Pity me. Somebody?

19 August 2006

"I'm Happy"

Unsolicited friend requests on myspace usually piss me off but not this one from this girl...
So, I have no idea who she is and she almost certainly doesn't know me so I message her to say "why do you want to be my friend?".
I get this back...

Date: 18 Aug 2006 12:29 Flag spam/abuse [ ? ]
Subject RE: RE: No Subject

You're not Alan Glass the artist?
I love your work
if you're not Alan, I'm sorry..

So it seems i'm wrong - she clearly does know who I am. I'm Alan Glass - THE ARTIST! That's exactly who I am. I'm a fucking artist. My whole life is my art, my body is poetry, my mind is a garden.

Go away, i'm busy thinking.

16 August 2006

Bummers. Part 96.

Putting my left shoe on (why is it so much fucking harder than the right?)
This "making the first move" shit.
Bruce and Smithy ganging up on me playing dice in the pub earlier.
The ridiculously huge difference in sizes of XL t-shirts.
Having to water plants.
Being too hot, even when the weather is cooling off.
The crumbs in my kitchen and the evergrowing mountain of my flatmate's recycling.
Having to do anything at all. Ever.

Non-Bummer: Stuff that's funny...

The oar dips in to oil like water, and we are away.

I went on a little emo-roadtrip the last couple of days. I rented a car and drove to several significant spots from over the years and went to both my parents graves. Don't worry, i'm not going to make a habit of this on my blog but it was something that I needed to do and I might as well share the good bits.
I dropped in on a few good friends of my Mum's (I guess they're my friends now!) Maud still holds the title of World's Cutest Child. She can talk now too. I said "Hi Maudy, how are you?" and she went "I'm O-Kaaaaaaay". Dicken is going to the same boarding school that Prince Charles went to.
I dropped in to my old school and made a beeline for the back of the hut where we used to smoke cigarettes.
Some graffiti I must have done 15 or 16 years ago has stood the test of time. Clark - you're probably still a complete bastard.
When I got up to Hertfordshire i went up to Codicote where I remember my Mum took me walking when I was really small. All I remembered was golden cornfields. When I got there nothing had changed.

When I finally got to my Dad's cemetary it was pitch dark and I spent ages searching for his stone with the light from my mobile. It was actually pretty funny even though the cemetary was spooky as shit and things kept rustling in the bushes. Anyway, I found him eventually.
This is the second house I ever lived in. I have no idea where the first one is so this is the furthest back I can go. I met some of the neighbours who remembered my dad and even me. I'm the last surviving member on my dad's side and it had never occured to me that there might be somebody else left in the world that would have known him so meeting them was really cool. We exchanged numbers and maybe i'll send them a card or something.

13 August 2006

The rain falls hard on a humdrum town (Mudchute)

Spent the weekend in London, supposedly to film. Saturday didn't really happen but we had a bit of a meeting about forthcoming trips. Looks like Bulgaria might be off but there's a possibility of New York again some time in the future. Glasgow too apparently. Personally i'm happy to go anywhere. Except maybe Iran. Or Arundel.

Saturday night was spent at Fos's watching Fawlty Towers DVDs and this weird TV show Fos got in Japan called Gachapin Challenge (or something like that). Gachapin is the little green one, i think, but I have no idea what the big brown chap's name is. Anyway, the show reminds me of the relationship between our friends Chopper and Dal in Osaka. In other words, the big one dares the little one to do something stupid and dangerous and the little one obliges without hesitation. Poor old Gachapin had to go Jet-Skiing, do some acrobatic gymnastics, go skiing and ride those god-awful mountain boards which, any skateboarder will tell you, look like a certain death trap.

I think the whole show is really about that weird respect/hierachy thing they have in Japan. Or maybe it's just a bit of fun for the kids and me thinking there's some kind of bullying element is indicative of living in Blair's nanny state and political correctness gone mad..... shut the fuck up Glass.

So, today we finally got to skate the new park in Mudchute when the rain gave us a couple of hours. It was really fun with all the obstacles only reaching about waist height. I filmed a line and a single with Fos and spent the rest of the time talking crap with the local kids. The kid above was called Callum and kind of lived up to his "Local Celebrity" shirt. Withing 5 minutes of meeting him he was trying to hug us and literally could not stop talking. He was hilarious and his verbal diahorreah kept me entertained until the clouds rolled in and shut us down.

Back at Fos's I picked up some boards for the crew back home and managed to score a couple of Simon True masterpieces for myself. The first Illustrators series board is going on the wall as i've always loved the colours and the graphic but the Satan pro model is getting shredded on Tuesday.
Lastly, take a look at this Shut board from NYC! And you thought my bro-model had a retarded shape! Ha ha!

Road trip tomorrow.