Random acts of standard metal procedure

Jonno's birthday the other night, went for Dim Sum at Ping Pong.


I let Leanne persuade me to eat a chicken foot. Needless to say it was rank.

The eyeball thingys were waaaay better. Ok, maybe they weren't eyes.



The next night was the Grind Ethic xmas thing with Amputated headlining.

They were pretty sick and I was very, very drunk. I actually enjoyed Crepitation more, they were a lot more brutal.


As usual we ended up smashing those brittle plastic glasses over each others heads. My finger came out worst this time.


Don't ask.


Somebody from Slam has obviously been to that venue.


Not entirely sure what happened but these are my legs and I appear to be wearing women's shoes.

The tube journey home was fairly eventful. These girls gave us cold pizza.


On the train home we really tried not bring any attention to Mark. Being a soap star in public places can be tough so it's best to stay undercover.

Black witching metal drink the sluts blood

This is how bored I am.

Top 20 metal albums ever. (Got to 10 and couldn't stop)

Bathory - Bathory
Inquisition - Into The Infernal Regions Of The Ancient Cult
Sarcofago - I.N.R.I.
Bolt Thrower - Realm Of Chaos
Deicide - Deicide
Beherit - Drawing Down The Moon
Bathory - Hammerheart
Slayer - Show No Mercy
Blasphemy - Fallen Angel Of Doom
Burzum - Hvis Lyset Tar Oss
Von - Satanic Blood
Abyssic Hate - Suicidal Emotions
Venom - Black Metal
Obituary - Slowly We Rot
Mystifier - Wicca
Deicide - Legion
Graveland - Creed of Iron
Mortician - Zombie Apocalypse
Necros Christos - Black Mass Desecration
Ozzy Osbourne - No Rest For The Wicked

Just off the top of my head like. This is the definitive list by the way, I make the rules. Anybody else's views on metal are just wrong, sick and wrong. Don't ever try to engage me on the subject of metal, I'm not a nice man. Everytime this has ever happened I pretty much want to kill the other person.

"Oh you like rock don't you?"

I 'like' goating ritual evil and the defilement of all that is good and holy. That's what I 'like'. Never ask me about this.

Anyway that you want me.

Xmas eve, xmas day...

Finally found a use for the Badminton racquets. The Necros Christos look helps too.


Went for a skate in the city today (skating for myself?? For fun?? In London?? Wei-erd). There are some lovely little corners with human blood soaked tissues if you know where to find them.

French's mate Mark from Australia came along. He's staying with us for the next week or so before he goes up to Manchester to take part in Soap Star Superstars (he's in Home and Away, not watched it for a while myself but maybe I'll have a look for him now).


Mate, I was on fire!

Went over to Ian and Steph's in the evening. There's a house near them with insane xmas lights.

After standing outside for a couple of minutes they hit us with the snow machine!

Did I mention before that these two are finally tying the knot after 14 years or something?

Congratulations! The wedding should be awesome.




After sinking a few in The Rocket we all went back to Ian and Steph's for Singstar and beer until about 4 am.


I spent xmas day at Ben's with Bruce, their Mum, Dave, Ben's daughter Elliotte and her mum Melody. We made a pretty good un-nuclear family.


Jumper from your mum!


It was pretty obvious Bruce was going to end up in this thing.



From: Elliotte
Text Body: Nah Kel, all moshrz R dikedz. C U in town owtsde mc dz

Though my body gets tired, my mind does it no favours at all.

Yesterday was spent failing to christmas shop and either drinking heavily in pubs or walking between them in ridiculous sub-zero temperatures.

I've never thought of Soy as being short but next to Jensen and Robbleyard he looks like a little indian pixie.



The DJ in this bar on Old Street was playing what appeared to be disc 1 of Jungle Mania '93 whilst they had Ozzy on the big TV. It's like they knew I was coming.

So, the last couple of bits of VF 2 footy are here - the soppy opening titles which I was dead pleased with at the time, mainly because I just wanted to have something that wasn't a quickfire montage of slams and crazyness like every other vid. Now of course I realise that the collective brain of skateboard video viewers just wants basically the same thing in every video so I've tried hard since not to stray from the formula.

And the real treat lies here. Best bit of the vid by far.