06 September 2006

In the Navy....

My long lost friend Tom sent me this picture today. It's 2 gheckos fucking (in case you couldn't work that out for yourselves). Hope he doesn't mind me sticking it up here.

Maybe he won't mind if I tell you this...

Tom's been travelling the world for something like 18 months now and is currently in Cambodia or Vietnam or somewhere else out of Apocalypse Now. We've spoken on MSN a few times whilst he's been on the road and there was one occasion maybe a year or so ago when I didn't really have much to say and he had all these amazing tales of sacrificing Elks in Alaska or whatever so in order not seem like the boring motherfucker I am I told him I was gay now.

I told him that since i'd split up with my girlfriend i'd realised my true feelings and that it had been bubbling under the surface even as far back as school. He said he'd always wondered about me (!) and that he was glad I was finally happy.

And this was like a year ago. That fucker is loose on the planet's surface, roaming free and probably telling the world that Alan Glass is a bummer. Shit!

I was just bored! I was only joking! Things like this come back to haunt you, I just know it. One day I'll go for a job or something and they'll turn me down because they have a no-bummers policy. Hopefully Tom will read this and start righting the wrongs he's undoubtedly done by me. Ideally he'd retrace his steps to Alaska and make sure all the hot girls and camp homo's between there and Saigon know that I'm a red-blooded, muscle bound macho man (shit, that sounds gay) that likes nothing more than spaghetti wrestling with 10, no wait, 20 naked page-3 bitches and then going straight to the pub with the lads to watch the footy and have a fight. And it's not gay pub.

Pretty much all the dumb embarrassing things that have happened to me in life have probably been self inflicted. I'm my owm worst enemy. In fact what am I doing broadcasting this on the internet? I should shut the fuck up.

No comments: